


Letters To Commander Alenko.

by Last_Thing_I_Knew



Series: Letters To Alenko. [2]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: (at least not until later), Almost big brother protective like, Almost the rest of the crew does, Amongst Other assorted characters - Freeform, And Kaidan doesn't know all of them, F/M, Garrus is really protective of Shepard, Kaidan doesn't know about the letters, Mass Effect - Freeform, Mass Effect 2, Mass Effect 3, More tags to be added I guess as I move along, Shepard gains a drinking problem during the series of 2 after Horizon, Shepard getting spaced, Shepard has secrets, Shepard writes letters to Kaidan, Some Fluff, Some Humor, There are some letters from others in here, and to others, but not until around Mass Effect 3, comfort in friends, some ptsd
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2020-01-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 22:53:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 45
Words: 7,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21546958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Last_Thing_I_Knew/pseuds/Last_Thing_I_Knew
Summary: A walkthrough of Connor Shepard's life throughout the series, ranging from tales of missions either gone right or awry to tales of things that happen between Shepard and the crew.Set during Mass Effect 2.
Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard
Series: Letters To Alenko. [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1073880
Comments: 3
Kudos: 4





	1. Letter XX.

Kaidan,

Two years, two damn years since I’ve seen you. I hated leaving you, but the crew is priority. You know that Alenko, I couldn’t leave Joker and we all know that those escape pods are severely small. I couldn’t have done anything else, tell Joker I’m sorry if I made him break or fracture anything.

Cerberus got ahold of my body, how I’m not sure, but I’m not okay with it. I’m in no way under their control, I refuse to be. I won’t let them take control over me, I’d rather die again before I let that happen.

I’ve met two of their operatives, Miranda Lawson and Jacob Taylor. Jacob seems like an okay soldier, served in the Alliance for awhile before switching to Cerberus.

Miranda, I’m sure what to think of her, she’s kind of scary to be honest.

We’re on our way to meet someone called the Illusive man, supposedly he’s the leader of Cerberus, can’t say he’s not going to get an earful/piece of my mind, because oh boy is he.

I love you LT. 

Connor.


	2. Letter XXI.

Kaidan,

They rebuilt the Normandy, I’m not sure what to think about it, Joker’s back, he said last he knew you were okay, but I hope you’re still okay… The armor they issued me is similar to yours.. the blues are the same, although they used a camo pattern. It makes me a feel a little better, but not by much.

I found Tali on Freedom’s Progress, I’ve been doing some research on the missing Colonies and I finally know what’s happening to them.

They’re being taken by the Collectors, I’m not sure why, for the reapers maybe? I wandered around the ship meeting the new crew. Chakwas is here, and the crew down in engineering are amazing, funny and a little over the top, but overall amazing.

I have to go to a place called Omega, pick up two recruits, Archangel and Mordin Solus.

I hope they’re good, they better be.

I love you LT.

Connor.


	3. Letter XXII.

Kaidan,

We picked up a Salarian named Mordin, he's honestly really cool,talks a little too fast for my liking, but we're getting along just fine. He's a wonderful conversationalist. Very good at science, he knew Kirrahe, I was a little surprised until I realised he was part of the salarian STG. He ran a little clinic on Omega, which has now been taken over by his assistant. Hopefully the kid will do okay.

Wonder how Kirrahe is doing.

Connor.


	4. Letter XXIII.

Kaidan,

Archangel was Garrus! He's been working as a freelance merc, honestly I think you'd be proud. Something went down while I was out, I think it's going to be awhile before he tells me… But I'll wait, it hurts to see one of my closest friends hurting. He got hit bad by a missile at the end of the mission, he'll be okay. I think. Some minor facial scarring, but he'll be okay.

I'm going to the Citadel, I have to meet up with Anderson, I think I'm also gonna take Garrus to a buddy of mine to take a look at his scars. Not that I don't trust Chakwas, but he specialises in Turian.

Connor.

* * *

“I’m fine Shepard, I’ll live with the scars.” Garrus says as I drag him around the back alleys of the Citadel to reach Levitus. 

“I know you’re fine. I’m fine too, but I’d still like you to get checked out by Levitus, he’s a good buddy of mine. You’ll get along.” I state, stopping outside a door with a red crosshair painted on it.

“That looks welcoming.” Garrus comments, crossing his arms and leaning on his hip as he watches me knock on the door.

“It is actually.” I state, smiling as the door opens. 

“Connor, what the hell brings you here.” The dark grey and red Turian expresses as he yanks me into a hug. 

“This bozo got hit with a rocket launcher to the face, wondered if you’d take a look.” I state as I get released from the hug. 

Levitus nods and motions for us to come in. “Ja’aile is making dinner, I can ask her to make some Levo too if you want.” 

I nod, “if you don’t mind Levi.” I say, taking up the offer as I sit down in my designated seat and point to the spot next to me for Garrus to sit down.

Levi nods and walks off towards the kitchen. “Is Ja’aile Turian?” Garrus asks and I nod in reply. “They met in the military. Lost contact and met up again when Sovereign attacked.”

“So classic love story?” He asks as he fidgets with his hands.

I nod, smiling at Levi when he walks back out of the kitchen with his toolkit. He sets it next to him when he sits down on the heavy oak coffee table right in front of Garrus.

“How recent is this Con?” He asks as he tilts Garrus’ jaw.

“A couple days ago, we’ve been putting medi-gel on it. But I wanna know if we can reduce the scarring a little bit.”

“Why you don’t like them Shepard?” Garrus jokes as he gets his head yanked to the side again.

“Ja’aile can you bring me some of that salve Connor brought us the last time she was here.” Levi calls out, grabbing a brush from his tool kit as he does.

I pull my legs up onto the couch after kicking off my shoes. “So how’s the baby?” I ask, curling into the couch.

“He’s an overly happy one that already wants to go out to the military. Thanks to his dad always encouraging it.” The almost white Turian with pale lavender markings says as she smiles at me. “Good to see you Connor.” She says as she sets the salve next to Levi.

I stand up and hug her, smiling when she smells of the perfume I got her. “You too Aile.Enjoying the hibiscus scent?” I ask, pulling away from the hug and sitting back down, watching Garrus get his scars covered in the dark green goo I bought from Omega for Levi when he hurt his leg.

“Much, it smells so wonderful. Do the actual flowers smell like this?” She asks as she sits down in the chair as she rearranges the pale yellow dress she’s wearing.

I shake my head. “They smell even better.”

“Your friend is all patched up Connor.” Levi says as he screws the lid on the salve and packs up his tools.

I stand up, Garrus following my lead. “Thanks Levi, we better get going. A galaxy to save...Again.” I state, trailing off at the end.

Levi nods. “We haven’t heard from Kaidan in awhile. Find him and tell his ass to message me back. I need a reply on those turret specs.” He says as he pulls me into another hug.

I nod and turn towards Ja’aile. “Give Lupus a hug for me.” I say, bowing slightly and walking towards the door.

Garrus says his goodbyes and thanks to the couple before following me out the door. “So how do you know them?” He asks after the door shuts.

“Ja’aile was my physical trainer after Acuze.” I state, walking back towards the Normandy.

Garrus nods. “Oh.”


	5. Letter XXIV

Kaidan,

I went to the Citadel, can you believe Bailey's a captain now? Jesus. I picked up a couple of books for Tali for when I see her, I think she'll enjoy them. I also picked up some provisions for the gally. Better than what we have been eating at least.

I picked up a space hamster, of all things. Remember when I told you I wasn't a big animal person? Guess I proved myself wrong. I also picked up a couple model ships, I'm enjoying collecting them, Miranda disapproves. But my money right?

I talked to captain Anderson, i asked him about you, said your work was classified. You're moving up huh?

I think I'm going to head towards a prison ship next to pick up a Biotic named Jack. We made a deal with the main guy, I’m hoping it goes through alright, I’m not really in the mood to deal with a whole prison worth of enemies. Although, knowing my luck. Ya know.

I love you LT.

Connor.


	6. Letter XXV.

Kai,

I was right, the deal went wrong. We got Jack in the long run, she’s definitely an interesting character I’ve got to admit. You and her would definitely clash I think.

Being there, listening to all those people talk about who they've killed, makes me wonder. Should I be locked up with them?

Garrus found a music player just like my old one on Omega, he fixed and managed to put some of the older music from the 20th and 21st century that I like, I’m excited to have some time to actually listen to it, it’s been awhile.

I'm going to pick up a Veteran named Zaeed. But there's going to be a pit stop first.

Connor.


	7. Letter XXVI.

Kaidan,

I went to the crash site of the Normandy… Twenty dog tags I collected of people we lost… god Kaidan, it hit me that I could've lost you… god…

I picked up a veteran named Zaeed, we have to go somewhere to take care of another mission. I'm not gonna complain, he's got skills. I talked to Aria. Got another job, I'm picking them up all over the place… I feel like a merc.

Now I have to go pick up another recruit, this time a Krogan, wish I could go find Wrex and bring him with me, I need some of his “tough love” as he called it, I miss having you with me.

Hope you’re okay LT and I love you.

Connor.

* * *

I stare at the Mako sitting atop the small incline, frozen to the spot.

“Ah, the Mako. Doing what it does best.” I murmur to myself. “Stuck atop a four foot incline and can’t get out.” I say, chuckling to myself, walking away from the vehicle for the rest of time.


	8. Letter XXVII.

K,

I ran into Rana, the one I told to run on Virmire, you told me I enjoyed that too much. Yeah, she's alive, she was helping Okeer.

Okeer is the Krogan Warlord I was trying to recruit. He killed himself, but left me with a tank bred Krogan. We're going to be taking him with us… he's kind of adorable.

We took out a lot of the blue suns, can't say I'm not happy with that, love you K.

Connor.


	9. Letter XXVIII.

K,

I opened the Krogan that Okeer made… he attacked me, but we managed to come to an agreement, he reminds me of a stubborn child, almost similarly stubborn to you. Although you're certainly more stubborn.

The Illusive man tells me that another colony is going to be attacked.

Horizon.

He also tells me you're there, and you've been promoted, guess I can't call you LT anymore love. You're a Commander now, that's impressive love, I'm excited to see you, Garrus told me not to get my hopes up, but I can't help it. It's been two years too long.

I love you, and see you soon Commander.

Connor.


	10. Letter XXIX.

Commander Kaidan Alenko, Alliance Military,

You telling me you loved me, hurt me worse than everything I lost on Acuze. I can understand that you're mad at me, but please don't believe that I betrayed you. I am only using them for my mission to save the colonies…

God Kaidan, I can't bare for you to hate me. I can understand why you do, but please… don't leave me alone…

Signed,

Commander Connor Shepard, Council Spectre.


	11. Letter XXX.

Commander Kaidan Alenko. Alliance Military,

Although you hate me right now, I can't bare to stop writing you these letters, although you'll never read them… I know I can't change how you feel and I'm going to have to learn to live with that. I kept a picture of you on my desk, and I will continue to do so. I love you too much not to.

I want you to know that you're the first person I've ever actually loved as a person.

Your humor, personality, just you, I miss you, and I hope I get to see you again.

I love you dork.

Signed,

Commander Connor Shepard, Council Spectre.


	12. Letter XXXI.

“Checkers?” Grunt asks, staring at the board sitting on the table in the shuttle bay in front of us.

I nod, setting up the pieces. “It’s sparring checkers. Helps keep us up to speed.”

“Okay?” He says, picking up one of the pieces questionably.

“Everytime we move a piece that takes out one of the other players pieces, the opponent has the chance to save their piece by headbutting the challenger next to or near the board. Which we’ll do over there seeing as you’re Krogan and large. Whoever wins, decides what happens to the piece. Got it?” I explain, looking up at him from my omni-tool to see if he had any questions.

“Sounds fun.”

I nod. “Then let’s start.”

* * *

Commander Kaidan Alenko, Alliance Military,

Chakwas is making me speak to a therapist that's on board, she's nice. But I enjoyed talking to you more. All Yeoman and I's conversations are silence. You know how much I hate silence.

Garrus tried to cheer me up by bringing me whiskey, the bottle didn't last long, it was a Canadian brand. Said you gave it to him, it made me hurt a little more, but the burn was deserved.

I tried to teach Grunt checkers, the version Wrex and I used to play. He seemed to enjoy it… Especially after he won for the sixth time. I miss Wrex, wish he was on board… could really use some more of his tough love right now…. 

I want to say I love you, but I know you wouldn't want me too. 

Signed,

Commander Connor Shepard, Council Spectre.


	13. Letter XXXII.

Commander Alenko, Alliance Military,

I have to go to Illium, have we ever been there? I have to go see about picking up an Asari Justicar, I've never heard of them, I've learned and concluded that this entire thing is a suicide run.

I told a couple of the engineers that we'd stop back at omega so I could find them some parts, some sort of couplings. Hopefully that'll keep them happy.

I'm getting a new set of armor next time we stop by the citadel. Can't handle having your colours anymore, Aria asked if I was okay when we docked. Said she heard about what happened on Horizon. She may seem like a bitch, but she cares. She called you an asshole and then told me to find somebody new dancing on the floor.

Too bad it doesn't work that way.

Signed,

Commander C. Shepard, Council Spectre.


	14. Letter XXXIII.

Commander Alenko, Alliance Military,

Landed on the Citadel and Anderson immediately pulled the dad card, checking over me to make sure I was okay. Thankfully I was, he asked how you were and Garrus had to explain why I stormed out of the room, Grunt threatened to kill you, but I told him that wasn't necessary, Garrus says I'm treating him like he's my son. He's not wrong, I've grown attached to the fucker.

I got my new set of armor, it's nothing like yours, Garrus said you wouldn't like it, said you'd be jealous I didn't look like you anymore. I said you'd like it in your own way… not that it matters anymore.

I bought a new kind of fish while on the citadel and another model, Garrus says I'm going to end up killing them all, but they keep Grunt happy. He's taken to hanging out in my cabin. Can't say I blame him, it's better than the cargo hold.

Signed,

Commander C. Shepard, Council Spectre.


	15. Letter XXXIV

Commander Alenko, Alliance Military,

Played Skyllian Five with the engineers down near the cargo hold, kicked their asses, remember when you taught me how to play? Good times commander. We also ended up teaching Grunt to play Go fish, I think you'd get along well. I miss you.

Commander C, Shepard, Council Spectre.


	16. Letter XXXV.

Commander Alenko,

I hate doing these so formally.

Joker's taking us to Illium to get the Justicar and an assassin, wish me luck.

God I hope I get to speak to you soon…

Commander C. Shepard.


	17. Letter XXXVI.

Commander Alenko,

Liara’s on Illium! I'm suppose to speak with her soon, but I've run into a couple people we helped in the past it was wonderful to see them. Look at me getting all emotional after telling you I wasn't… That was a long time ago, huh Kaidan?.

The Rachni queen from Noveria found a way to speak to me, she thanked us, and offered us help in future battles. I'm glad she's doing well.

I also ran into Gianna Parasini, also from Noveria. She got me that beer she said she owed me. Turns out I helped her again.

Liara threatened to kill you, she could sense my sadness I guess. Thought I was hiding it well. She didn't approve of the blood red armor, but it's keeping me sane for now. She's mad at you for hurting me, but I hurt you so are we even yet… 

Signed,

Commander C. Shepard.


	18. Letter XXXVII.

26.

Commander Alenko,

Oh my god, Conrad Verner copied my SSV armor and has been running around like an idiot! He's trying to copy me. It's annoying, he's going to get himself killed…. Not that his wife would complain. He thinks he's higher than the law, oh no he's hovering, write to you later.

Signed,

Commander C. Shepard.


	19. Letter XXXVIII.

“And he told me that he had loved me..And left…” I murmur, sitting at the bar leaning over the drink in my hand.

“Damn.” The Asari says as she tries to pull my drink away from me and I growl at her, biotics flaring up a bit.

I let my shoulders drop, swigging the drink back and slamming the glass on the counter. “Sorry. You know, I used to hate drinking… Now it’s the only thing that numbs the pain.” I mutter, staring at the empty glass.

She puts another one in front of me. “It’s a bit stronger sweetheart, but one more of those and then I’ll cut you off.”

I nod and gulp down the drink, cringing at the sting it leaves behind. “You’ll cut her off now please. Send the tab to Cerberus.” Garrus says as he grabs my arm and throws it over his shoulder.

“Garrus! You’re here! Hi!” I yell, happy to see my best friend.

“You are my best friend right?” I ask, not stating my current thoughts so he looks momentarily confused.

“Yes Connor, I’m your best friend and so is Tali, and Liara, and Kaida-”

I smack his head with my hand. “Kaidan hates me, don’t say that.” I grumble, before petting his head. “Sorry I hit you.” I whisper before trying to walk on my own two feet. 

Mordin looks at me and runs an omni-tool over me before walking to my other side and grabbing my arm, flinging it over his shoulder as well. “Hi Mordin! I like tea, can we have tea?” I ask, quite loudly as we make it to where the Normandy is docked. 

“Yes Shepard, we can have tea, but first you must lay down and take a nap and ingest fluids that are not by any means alcoholic.” Mordin says in his fast paced lingo that I barely understand.

“You know you talk fast right?” I ask, saying each word really slowly as we take the elevator to the captain’s cabin.

Mordin nods, once again looking at his omni-tool. “I got it from here Mordin, thanks.” Garrus says.

“You sound angry. Mordin, don’t leave me with the angry Turian.” I say, but notice that the elevator is already leaving.

Garrus helps me to the bed and helps me take off my boots. “What the hell were you thinking.” Garrus growls, throwing my one boot across the floor.

“I wanted a drink, so I got a drink.” I grumble, trying to stand up, but Garrus pushes me right back down as he works on untying the shoe.

“Twenty-seven though Shepard?”

“Oh you’re angry at me, you called me Shepard.” 

“I’ve always called you Shepard.” Garrus states, looking up and rolling his eyes as he sees me playing with my notebook.

“When was the last time you wrote him a letter.” He asks, moving to sit next to me.

“After Conrad.” I state simply. Staring at the black notebook with doodles on the front.

“Write him more frequently again, I know he’s mad at all of us, but he’ll understand eventually.” He says before standing up and heading towards the door. “And take a nap Shepard, please. I know you haven’t been sleeping.”

I nod, curling up on the bed, staring at the picture on my desk before promptly falling asleep.

* * *

Commander Alenko,

I met an Asari Matriarch bartender, you would love her. She gives me free drinks, Garrus had to cut me off after I started drinking the heavy stuff that you never let me drink. I've hit a hole Kaidan, I don't know how to get out.

Signed,

C.


	20. Letters XXXIX & XL.

Com, Alenko,

I picked up a thief of all trades. Her name is Kasumi, she's pretty good at her job, she bought me a dress for a mission. Good god I have to wear heels, wish you were here Kaidan.

C.

* * *

Com. Alenko,

The mission went well, we smuggled my armor in a statue, it was quite amusing to have to change in an elevator. You would've loved the guy's vault, there was so much stuff in there. I might've snagged a bottle of Canadian whiskey, whoops. I'll save it for a rainy day…. Or a reaper day.

C.


	21. Letter XLI.

Com, Alenko,

You would think that people would realise I'm alive again sooner rather than later. 

C.


	22. Letter XLII.

Com, Alenko,

Thane, that's the name of the assassin, I believe he and I are going to be good friends, just like Garrus and I are. Grunt likes him and has offered to teach him checkers. He agreed, not sure he knows what he's in for.

He's dying, there's nothing I can do to help him. I always pick the dented and dinged teammates don't I? Oh well, they're the best kind aren't they.

Connor.


	23. Letter XLIII.

"Commander, you have a new message on your personal terminal." EDI says as I walk through the hall after talking to Thane.

I raise my hand in acknowledgement as I stare at the ground, "thanks EDI I'll look at it later." I say as I enter the lift to head down to engineering.

"I think you'll want to read this one now Commander." Joker supplies as the ship rumbles and hums as we head through a rough patch in space.

I groan, staring at the ceiling and closing my eyes. "I said I'll look at it later Joker. Please stop looking at my PERSONAL messages if you don't mind."

"It's from Kaidan Commander."

I freeze, staring as the doors open to engineering. "EDI take the lift back up to my room please." I murmur quietly, hoping she'll pick up on it.

"Right away Commander."

* * *

Alenko,

I just read your message about Horizon… I understand that you had pulled yourself together and all of a sudden I came back into your life with no warning. I understand that kind of guilt being the only one of us to survive, when I woke up… God they wouldn't tell me anything, I didn't know if you were okay, hurt, hell if you were even alive. 

I'm glad you went out with her, you deserved to move on, you still do. I can understand if you never forgive me, love.

The night before Ilos meant everything if not more to me as well, and giving you up was one of the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I love you so much Kaidan, you need to be careful too. I most definitely owe you a beer, I hope to see you soon.

Love,

Connor.


	24. Letter XLIV.

Alenko,

The nightmares are back, they're worst. I went to Chakwas to see if she had anything that would help me sleep, I was out of luck… She didn't have anything so here I am writing to you…

I miss you, I desperately need cuddled. I had to explain what that was to Grunt earlier, his reaction was so funny. It made my night a little bit better, especially when he attempted to hug me. I wish you were here…

Love,

Connor.


	25. Letter XLV.

Alenko,

I ran into Shiala, the Asari from Feros, she's helping out the Zhu’s Hope people. I'm glad she's turning around. Hopefully she stays that way.

Love,

Connor.


	26. Letters XLVI, XLVII & XLVIII.

Alenko,

I'm picking up the Justicar, I hope so anyways. Miranda and Thane came with me, Garrus was supposed to but something broke down. 

They keep giving me half hearted jokes. I miss your humor… 

Hope to talk to you soon K,

Love,

Connor.

* * *

Alenko,

I'm going after an Eclipse hideout, they seem tougher than most other groups. Must be because of the Asari, I ran into a young Asari named Elnora. She doesn't want to hurt anybody, she told me about how they smuggled an Ardat-Yakshi offworld. I'll have to ask Samara what that is

Love,

Connor.

* * *

Kaidan,

Elnora lied, I can't believe I actually believed her! Goddamnit I'm so fucking stupid, what was I thinking, letting her go without actually thinking it through. I'll go after her later, now's not the time for self-pity.

C.


	27. Letter XLIX.

Kaidan,

Grunt’s been agitated lately. Reminds me a of teenage boy and his raging hormones. I gave him some stuff to do to try and distract him… can't say it's helping too much. 

I think I'm going to take him with me to Tuchanka when I take Mordin, it may be for the best.

Garrus told me he's sick. Chakwas banned him from calibrating, he's not happy. We'll have to stop at the citadel to pick up some meds.

Heading towards Tali in the future, hoping she'll join. I certainly wish you did. 

C.


	28. Letters L & LI.

Kaidan,

There's this funny little Bachelor party at a bar on Illium. I know it's rude to listen in, but it's hilarious. Garrus says I'm crazy everytime I burst out laughing at them, but I can't help it. Miss you Commander.

C.

* * *

K,

I may have a few drinks and now my heads kind of loopy. God, I've fucked up so much haven't I?

I died, Kaidan, I fucking died!

I was brought back! I didn't ask to be! I made peace with dying after Acuze, and I made peace with dying on Ilos and now I've lost you too… I can't handle much more of this.

I miss you so much K, but I don't know how much more of being the Galaxy's hero I can handle. 

Love,

C.


	29. Letters LII & LIII.

K,

This hangover’s a bitch to deal with and I have to go get Tali. Nothing like battling while hungover huh LT?

Shit, I forgot you're a commander now, damn. What happened to us Kaidan?

C.

* * *

K,

We're going to stop a crashing ship, sounds familiar doesn't it? It won't take long, especially since I took Grunt and Kasumi, have I told you about her? She's kinda great, quite snarky. I'm glad she's on the team.

C.


	30. Letter LIV.

K,

Garrus gave me a new set of armor. Apparently he found a guy that makes specialized armor while he was on Omega, it's nice. White and blue, he said he deemed it appropriate due to being the “savior of the galaxy” which is bullshit.

I miss you Lt. Hope to see you soon.

C.


	31. Letters LV & LVI.

Kaidan Alenko,

I'm taking Jacob and Mordin to Aeia to check out an intermission from Jacob's father. I'm hoping it won't turn out too badly. But we'll see.

C.

* * *

Kai, 

Jacob's father was insane! Who lets their crew eat food that can cause neural damage! And he used mechs to keep them in line… How could someone be so stupid? And he had the idea to straight up lie to our faces! He looked so surprised when he realised it was Jacob… God it was terrible Kai… I miss you, I feel bad for Jacob and it makes me think, what if that was us? What if we were forced into that situation… How would we react. 

Love, Con.


	32. Letter LVII.

Kai,

Just when I thought we'd be able to take a break I'm once again thrown in the fire. Garrus beat my ass in sparring, not surprising I mean I'm a little out of practice. I'm starting to like having Thane aboard, he's quite the comfort, kind of reminds me of some old friends from back when I was a ruffian. Garrus says that they're competing for my friendship, but I'm pretty sure they both deserve best friend status. Especially since Thane pulled my hot head out of a bar before I kicked this one guys ass. Thane wants me to see about going to the citadel and stopping his son's assassination attempt. I hope we're not too late, I'm boosting it to top priority along with something Garrus has planned. I miss you Kai, maybe I'll see you on the citadel… but that's high hopes right?

Love, Con.


	33. Letter LVIII.

Kai,

Everyone's taking a field break while I deal with some business with Thane and Garrus, hopefully I'll have it done soon and we'll be able to go to Tuchanka.

The citadel has upped their security it's kind of ridiculous you know? I've never gotten used to the Zakera Ward. It's quite strange, I will admit the bar’s good. Garrus and I are going to find a guy named Fade, write to you later love.

Con.


	34. Letter LIX & LX.

Kai,

Grunt and I took up sparring last night, good lord it was like watching a toddler tumble. He's such a sweetheart, you would love him, at least I hope you would. I've taken to treating him like my Child, he's come with me almost everywhere, following me around like a lost puppy, but he's so sweet about it. Makes me wonder what it'd be like to have kids… I bought him some krogan sweets at that little cafe you and I would always go to, our favourite waiter still works there you know? The one that brings her daughter with her to work, she has another little one, she's so sweet as well, she let Grunt and I watch her while she worked. I miss you Kai.

Love, Con.

* * *

Kaidan,

Garrus and I scared the shit out of some guy pretending to be someone else, we didn't mean too, but you know us. We ended up having to go to the Factory District, Fade was Harkin, can you believe it?! Harkin of all people, damn he got even uglier than before. Garrus seems upset, I mean I would be too, but I've never seen him like the way he was on this mission, maybe I'll ask him to spar later.. maybe it'll help. I still can't believe Garrus was going to shoot Harkin! Oh well, I'm glad I stopped him… We're going after Sidonis now, I'll write to you later.

Love, Con.


	35. Letter LXI.

Kaidan,

I asked Garrus to spar this morning before we head out. I don't necessarily know what happened but damn it fucked him up… My Best friend is hurting and there isn't anything I can do… goddamnit Kaidan I could really use you right now.

Love, Con


	36. Letters LXII & LXIII.

Kaidan,

I might have been a bit of idiot and stood between Garrus and his target, I am fully aware he could have taken a risky shot, but I knew he wouldn't. I'm sorry Alenko, I'm just into risky business, I think instead of sparring again, we'll just go to the bar.

Con.

* * *

Kaidan,

Thane and I are going after his son, I think we're doing it solo. Can't say I'm going to complain, Thane is quiet, and Garrus needs some time to do some calibrations and calm down… I wish Garrus wasn't so hurt, always the broken ones right? I miss you Lt, 

Con.


	37. Letter LXIV.

Kaidan,

Chakwas has put me on stand-by for a few days. Me of all people! I wasn't gonna to say anything, but after passing out shit-faced drunk, Chakwas finally realised something was wrong.

I have to get my implant fixed… It got dinged up when I went and saved Jack from the carrier ship and I thought I'd just fight through it… god is this what you felt? This searing pain that doesn't stop? How could you go through this alone. Garrus held me for a few hours as I cried through the pain. God, it hurt so badly… I miss you Lt… I'm trying to hold myself together, but how much longer can I do this.

If this is a suicide mission… Kaidan Alenko, I don't think I'm coming back.

Love,

Connor Shepard.


	38. Letters LXV & LXVI.

Kaidan,

We're going back to Illium, I'm going to help out Miranda, she's not that bad of a person know that I'm getting to know her better. She just wants to protect her family. I can respect that… I'll talk to you later LT.

Love,

Connor Shepard.

* * *

Kaidan,

The mission went well, Oriana's safe and Miranda's happy. We're off to the site where Jack was kept on Pragia. I'm going to take Grunt with Jack and I. Garrus is still cooling down and Thane is talking to his son. I don't want to bother them, besides Grunt needs something to shoot.

Connor.


	39. Letter LXVII.

Kaidan,

One of the biotics from the facility. Aresh wants to restart the damn place. How much of an idiot can he be!! Jesus, what has the world come to. We let him go, and we blew the place to hell. Grunt got a kick out of it and asked me if that's what fireworks were like. I told him kind of and now he can't wait until more “fireworks” happen. We're headed to Tuchanka next. Mordin and Grunt have business there.

Love,

Connor.


	40. Letter LXVIII & LXIX

Kaidan,

We landed on Tuchanka, you won't believe who's here! Wrex! God I missed him… could've used his tough love a couple times. He's pissed at you though, really funny. He knows about the letters and says to tell you that when he gets ahold of you that he's gonna knock your ass back to earth until you apologise… I told him it was fine, but he didn't believe me, that or he chooses to ignore me. We talked for awhile, and then stated he and I need a beer. I'll take Grunt for his rite and Mordin to save Maelon and then we'll have that beer. Wish you were here.

Con.

* * *

“How long’s it been Connor?” 

“Too long Wrex” I say, smiling softly as I sit next to him, sipping quietly on the drink in my hand as I watch Grunt speak amongst the other Krogan.

“How is he?” He asks, calmly watching the same scene I am.

I shrug, “We brought him here hoping you could answer that.” I murmur, not catching onto what he means.

He sighs, placing a hand on my shoulder. “Shepard, I know you are dense, but you are not that dense. Kaidan.”

I take a deep breath, staring at the amber liquid in my glass. “I’m honestly not sure, but I’m sure he’s fine.”

“It’s unlike you to not know Shepard.” He says, voice rough with worry.

“Well, he’s not really talking to me Wre- Grunt no!” I snap, attention drawn to the young Krogan trying to sneak a Varren towards my ship. “He stays here.” I say, already standing to go confront the young one, Wrex following suit.

“But, Shepard.” Grunt starts.

I shake my head, balancing my weight on one hip and leaning on it. “I don’t want to hear it, it’s staying here.” I state firmly. Wrex chuckling quietly behind me.

A look of sadness passes over Grunt’s face before he shrugs and proceeds to scamper off to talk amongst the Varren fight krogan. “He’s got a spark doesn’t he?” Wrex asks as we watch Grunt wander off.

I nod, smiling softly. “Yeah, yeah he does.”

* * *

Kaidan,

Some of the krogan clans wanted Grunt for a trophy. Grunt “politely” declined. He's a good krogan, Wrex sees himself in him. He also asked if I saw him as my son… I kind of do, now that we helped Grunt, we're off to help Mordin. We did pause to watch a Varren fight. I also met a Varren named Urz, he's adorable and I want one. Grunt said he wouldn't mind one. Maybe I'll get one for the ship. Also, there were multiple breeding requests for him… And one for me…. That was a little bit awkward, Wrex said he’d let them down easy for me. Thank god, talk to you later Alenko.

Con.


	41. Letter LXX

K,

Maelon didn't need rescued… Mordin is more than a little upset with him... I feel bad for him, Maelon was his student. God, if someone I taught used my teachings for evil… I don't know what I would do. We're headed back to Urdnot camp. I'll speak with you later.

Connor.


	42. Letter LXXI & LXXII

K,

And once again I'm going back to Omega, we're helping Samara with a personal matter. I don't have a problem with it, I'm going to go talk with my therapist (the bartender in Omega) he's starting to really hate you. But I tell him you're a good guy. Love you Lt, see you on the flip side.

Connor.

* * *

Kai,

I never wanna think about Morinth again, I also don't think I want to see drugs ever again either. Yuck. I picked up an Omni-tool upgrade, that allows me to talk into my omni-tool and create notes. I figured it'd help when we're on missions and I have random thoughts you know? We're off to do a few odd missions before we go and collect a Reaper IFF. It's gonna be a helluva ride LT, but I'm hoping it makes humanity safer. 

Love,

Connor.


	43. Letter LXXIII, LXXIV & LXXV

Kai,

We picked up an active geth unit. We've named him Legion, EDI recommended it thinking I'd approve, turns out Legion and I both approved of the metaphor. Garrus and I are going with Tali to migrant fleet. They're accusing her of something. Wish us luck Commander.

Connor.

* * *

Kaidan,

I was a fucking Lawyer for Tali, it was actually really interesting and part of the reason I hate politics. Wonder if this is how Anderson felt, we're on the way to the Alarei to save the ship from the geth. I almost brought Legion with us, can you imagine how that would go? An active geth in the migrant fleet, they'd have a fit. We've just docked, see you on the flip side.

Connor.

* * *

Kai,

We cleared Tali's name, I think Garrus might have a thing for her.. just a thought I like to entertain. He hugged her when we left the fortilla. I don't want to read into things, but they'd be perfect for each other. 

Connor.


	44. Letter LXXVI & LXXVII

Kai,

We rewrote the geth heretics. I think it'll give us an edge later. If we need it. I could've used your cool head on this mission LT. I miss you, we're off to do a couple of things now. See you flipside.

Connor.

* * *

Kaidan,

The collector's took the crew! Luckily Joker escapes thanks to EDI. I appreciate that damn AI even more now. Joker says he's fine, but I doubt it. I'll talk to him over drinks later.

Connor

* * *

"Are you sure you're fine Jeff?" I ask, setting a bottle of whiskey down in front of him in the mess hall.

"Oh, she's using the first name. Serious conversation time." Joker says, smiling as he spins slowly in his chair to look at me.

I glare at him, sitting down across from him. "I'm serious J, are you okay?" I ask again, adding more worry to my voice as I look for any change in his features, but find none at all.

He shrugs, reaching for a glass. "I don't Shepard, am I fine? Am I okay? That's a tough question. Would you be okay if you had to listen to the entire crew scream for help while an AI is giving you instructions on how to avoid the bug people that have all but completely taken over the ship. Why yes Shepard, I'm fine." He says, pouring whiskey into his glass and swirling it around a bit before chugging it down and wincing at the burn.

I sigh and reach for my own glass, "you know you can talk about it with me right?"

He shakes his head, "Jeff, logically speaking, conversing with Shepard would not be a bad idea." EDI supplies helpfully, causing Joker to glare at the ceiling.

I chuckle softly, before smiling at Joker. "Seriously J, I'm willing to talk if you need to."

He once again shakes his head, "thanks, but no thanks Shepard. You're one of my best friends-"

"I'm one of your only friends."

He points at me, glaring softly. "First off, hurtful. Second off, you're right. Doesn't make it hurt less though. Anyways, I think I'd like to take a page from your book for once, and just let it brew for awhile. You know? Get used to it."

I nod, offering my glass up to him. "I get it, take your time."

He nods in response, raising his glass to hit it against mine. "Cheers."

The sound of the glasses clinking resonated throughout the mess hall as we continued to sit there in silence for the rest of the night.


	45. Letter LXXVIII.

Kaidan,

We're going to take down the collectors. It's a suicide mission, but I've been told I do the impossible… Go to Ilos, take down Saren, come back from the dead… is this going to be another impossible feat or is this actual suicide... I'm sitting in my cabin nursing a bottle of whiskey I took from Chakwas, she'd understand, your favourite song is playing on the speakers… curse Garrus for putting this on the playlist, he called it ours.… Garrus came by earlier with Tali in an attempt to cheer me up… Did you know I still have that picture on my desk? The one Liara took when we took her out for coffee with the crew? Yeah… good times huh Commander. We're going to be heading through the relay soon… I love you LT, I'm sorry I never got to say it in person… I wish I could've, I love you. And god I'm going to miss you, do you miss me? We'll hit them so hard they won't know what hit them, I'm doing this for my crew, my companions, and you LT. Anderson and Garrus know what to do with the letters pending my demise. Hopefully you won't get them right away. I don't want you hurt. I love you, stay safe and strong. Keelah se’lai Kaidan, see you on the flipside.

Signed with love,

Connor J. Shepard. Council Spectre.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned for book 3 ;)  
> Coming soon...


End file.
